A Helping Hand, A Troubled Mind.
Posted on 28 Nov 2022 @ 10:57am by Lieutenant Jai Terys & Ensign Avery Macario
Mission:
M3 - Into the Deep
Location: Counselling Office
Timeline: MD 7: 1130
1980 words - 4 OF Standard Post Measure
A report flicked onto the PADD of the Counselor on duty, regarding some off behavior witnessed in one of the Junior Scientists. Ensign Macario was twitchy and displaying signs of paranoia, but spent long hours in excess of 140 a week in her lab. In the past week she'd clocked 95 hours and it was Wednesday. Tuesday she'd been in there all night.
Jai read the report and sighed, this was not the first time he'd seen an instance of this but it ranked high in the time spent at work and not enjoying a suitable work/home life balance. The other mental indicators were noted, as well as other details that were noted in the report. Treatment had to be quick but the scale of things already meant that straight away he'd have to lay it on firmly before she burns her career away.
He pressed his console to open a link to the front desk. "Make an appointment with Ens Avery Macario, Sciences. I'd like to see her ASAP, attendance mandatory."
"Agknowledged sir. I'll put her in your first available appointment today at 1325 if that's alright?"
-Later-
Avery was almost sullen when she came in for her appointment. She crossed her arms , as if the weight of her arms could protect her from the counselor's demand to see her.
He might be able to help.
Or he might have you committed and stripped of your duty
She pressed the button to enter.
"Come." Jai spoke. He was prepared, did some additional reading on related treatment avenues, mental health component markers and he hoped, to be able to effect some change in this otherwise destructive cycle. When the doors opened he put on a smile, tried not to be the demon that some saw Counselors to be and welcoming. "Come in, come in, please, take a seat. Any seat, or stand, which ever suits yourself."
She took the seat farthest away from him, where she could see the whole room. Her eyes flickered fearfully over everything before settling on the counselor. "You wanted to see me?"
"I did." Jai spoke. He tried to keep a smile on his face to appear warm and less confrontational. He knew few actually liked seeing a Counsellor and the awkwardness could sometimes be too much if left unattended. "I'm told that you are very invested in your work, tell me about it?"
She twitched towards the door as if she heard something, and she had...sort of. "Oh sure. I'm working on a bunch of little things. I'm doing some gene modification on certain plants to increase their oxygen outputs. Ancient techniques are amazingly still valid in the here and now when other techniques aren't as effective. I can still use a CRISPR technique with good success."
Jai listened though accepted that he knew little about what she was doing, he was a Counsellor after all. "And it takes up a lot of time, even beyond your usual shift hours is that correct?"
Her eyes flickered from his face to the ground, to the shadows cast by her hands. "It can. I don't sleep well, found its better to work, you know? Might as well be productive."
"Being productive is commendable, however it can also spiral into a phase where you push yourself too much. You can't be productive if through lack of sleep you make the same demands of your body if you were awake and alert as you would if your tired and run down though." Jai spoke. "If you don't take the proper care of yourself, how can you do the right thing, at the right time, when it would have the most impact?"
"I.." she paused to think about it. "I don't actually know" Avery admitted, her voice quiet "Its not like being tired is a new phenomenon."
"Maybe, but if you are tired, you are less open to new ideas." Jai spoke, then went on to a story about how a friend he knew once did the exact same thing. He worked himself so hard that one day he mentally he drew a blank and found the work less and less appealing, costing him his career.
She focused on the outcome, rather than the story and her panicked mind began to race in a little spiral of doom.
No. No. He can't. He can't do that.
He's going to do that. He's going to report you as unfit. You're going to be drummed out of the service and left with nothing. He can see right through you...into your mind. Into your soul, and he's judging you. He's your career's executioner.
Jai felt the emotional shift, something he was always on the look out for during sessions. "What's wrong?"
A practiced look of blankness dropped over her features. But before she was able to school her expression the lines of shadow under her fingers began to elongate under her hands.
No. Not now. Go away. You can't do this to me now, not with him watching!
Avery's were clasped so hard she was actually breaking the skin, the sharp pain helping to focus her on the here and now. That bore consideration for later, and a tiny part of her mind would remember that the pain had helped.
He asked you what's wrong?
"Wrong? Why would anything be wrong?" she forced out cheerily.
"Part of my job is to address mental health. When I mentioned the story of my friend I felt your emotional state shift rapidly." Jai spoke. "Are you worried about something in particular?"
"No" she answered shortly, not willing to entertain the possibility.
"While devotion is commendable, you have to understand that putting in this amount of hours to your duties can cause some to have concerns. Fatigue, tiredness, diminished mental and physical responses. Even as a talented and skilled as yourself in the sciences has to appreciate that when tired or overworked, mistakes can factor into ones actions?" Jai spoke.
Did I make a mistake? Did something happen?
Of course it did stupid girl, because you don't do as instructed.
You're not real you can't give me instruction.
She made a noise of assent, not looking at him. Fear drive her at the moment. Pure unyielding fear that made her shiver and sweat to break out on the back of her neck and dampen the palms of her hands.
Jai felt the fear. "What's the cause for your fear?" Jai spoke. "I'm Betazoid, I can sense how you are feeling, and I sense fear, strong fear right now."
Her mouth worked, and she raised her eyes to meet his for the very barest of moments, before she shook her head. She sat silent in the room trying to figure out what to do in the swirl of panicked thoughts. Avery wasn't yet to the point where she would flee the situation, but her rising heart rate and the hitching breaths told the Counselor that she was close to true panic.
Jai could wait. He didn't want to force her, she had to do this herself. However he did not the hesitation. Something was clearly causing her bother, which would mean additional sessions would follow. "It's alright, I'm not here to judge or assign blame or point fingers."
"You are." she whispered "You are because you're no different than everyone else who looks sideways at me. Why else would I be here if you weren't? "
"The door is there if you wish to use it, I'm not forcing you to stay if you do not wish it." Jai offered, his hand out to the door. "I'm new on board the station having arrived not long ago, until very recently I knew nothing about you. If I am to judge, I can only do by what I see before me here and now."
He's offering you a way out. Take it! Run!
No.
That took the fire out of her, and the woman looked defeated, utterly. "I..." her eyes tracked another track of light across the ceiling, and it coalesced into a wasplike insect. She cringed away from it's flight path and when she opened her eyes again it was gone, but the sound of it's whirr was still in her ears.
Don't tell him! You can't trust him.
No, not yet.
Jai sat patiently, it seemed that he'd struck home but he didn't want to press home with it because she clearly had underlying issues causing her problems. She would need to talk to him, so he could explore further. "I called you here, not to judge you for who you are, or the tasks you do. I called you here because people are worried about you, otherwise, you wouldn't be here. They are worried the amount of hours you put in in the lab. Devotion to duty is commendable, to be applauded, but there comes a moment where it's too much, and people start to worry about you and your safety."
"I don't understand, they hate me. Why would you say they worry about me? I'm nothing to them."
"Because you wear the uniform." Jai spoke. "It doesn't matter if they like you or hate you, it matters because you, like them, have taken the oath that comes with that uniform. As such, even if they don't like you they look out for you. Sometimes even the simple issues or problems can be spotted by an outside source."
She laughed, but it wasn't a mirthful sound. She found herself on her feet before she knew what she was doing, she was pacing the back wall. Her muttering was barely audible, it was as if she was having a conversation with someone else. Tiny snatches of the words floated to him. 'simple...not a problem...just shut up...not letting them...a simple issue..."
Jai waited, his word had some effect he could sense that much, he had to wait them out, see the fruit they bore. He was interested to know why she thought others hated her but that could wait for this one, moment.
Her pacing slowed, and then she stopped, her forehead resting on the wall utterly spent by the efforts. Exhaustion hammered at her, cracking more bits away from her with each breath.
"Would it help if we ended the session here and talk more another time?" Jai offered, he'd made progress, important progress but it was equally important not to push too hard lest his efforts be undone.
"I'm....tired" she answered slowly.
"Then, let's end things here. I'd like to see you again though. Get some rest, but please, do cut down your hours at the lab in the mean time." Jai had hoped that by doing so perhaps her mental wellbeing or physical at least would improve.
"That's funny." she muttered, turning to look at him. Slowly she crossed the room and stood at the edge of his desk. She bumped into it and almost seemed surprised by the solidity of the object. Her voice was bland as she looked at him, sizing him up "Do you really want to help me?"
"Why wouldn't I?" Jai spoke. "My profession is about helping, like medical is to tending the wounded or ill, I help with the mind. What you bring in through those doors, is what I aid with. Like you, dedicated to duty, I have my duty too and right now that's you."
She raised her chin a bit in acknowledgement of that statement. Reaching out over the desk, she touched his arm with her fingertips. Surprise flickered across her features. "Huh...you're actually real. That's new." She turned and walked out the door, without a second glance at him, before breaking into a run that would take her back to her quarters.
