Self Management
Posted on 19 Oct 2020 @ 7:21pm by Commander Calliope Zahn & Lieutenant Jordan Spencer
Mission:
M1 - Emergence
Location: Counselor's Temp Office
Timeline: MD 04 mid morning
2426 words - 4.9 OF Standard Post Measure
Three Cartridges. One Empty. One half-way used. One yet good. She fidgeted with them in her pocket, as if she could rub them together enough that the good one might impart it's qualities on the spent hypo spray cartridges. She closed her eyes on the turbolift ride, promising during the length of the descent to medical that if the universe would make the cartridges inexhaustible, she would never ask any questions. "It'll be a secret between me and the stars, I swear." But when she took them out of her pocket and there was no observable change, Calliope laughed at herself and exited the turbolift back on the Infirmary deck. A nurse was kind enough to direct her to the counselor's temporary office and she knocked on the door.
"Yeah... enter!" Jordan's voice called out as he laid on his back while messing with a console in the office or whatever they wanted to call it. He wasn't sure as he felt as though they just through him into a room and said have at it. "... not like I'm doing anything important at all." his words were stated low and wasn't something meant for others to hear. But the fact of the matter was that he felt more like he was just tossed to the side while others worked. At least he had his marine training if security or marines needed an extra hand or his medical practice to fall back on as well to help the medical department.
Surprisingly, all the other departments seemed to have had it all under control. So now he had to figure out what to do with this ... work area. So far... it was powered up, but not the replicator, in which he was now trying to remember how to fix. "Welcome to my humble office, relax and state the nature of the mental stress," he joked as he slid a replacement chip into place.
Calliope entered and looked around. Like most were, it seemed the counselor was making do. "Counselor Spenser? I'm Commander Zahn." She extended a hand to greet him. "I'm sorry I didn't come around earlier on my tour of Medical. I'm afraid I got a little... blindsided, at the time and didn't complete my visit, as I'd intended."
"It happens. This station has been through hell and back," he replied as he finished what he was doing and was rewarded with the replicator power supply flickering before coming fully online. "Until this station is fully repaired, I highly doubt we will see a lot of people coming to a counselor."
"Actually, that's part of what I wanted to discuss. I'd like to have you on observational rounds in all of the major departmental areas and on at least half a shift in the command center." Calliope said. "Everyone showing up is ready to pitch in, but personnel issues are already arising and I'd like to stay ahead of that. Especially with the Marines aboard. Basically, we need to make sure the integration between differently minded personnel is smoothed over and any powder kegs are disarmed before there are sparks, so to speak."
"You really think that is wise, Commander?" Jordan raised an eye brow as he sat up and looked over at the new arrival. He couldn't stop himself as he showed his unexpected site of the orion hybrid. "Huh... Interesting spots, boss lady."
"Ah, I suppose." Calliope put a hand on her neck self conscious about her freckled skin for a moment. "I think staying ahead of potential conflict might be wise, yes. And having a counselor available as an advisor in command, staying abreast of issues, it's how I've operated in command for years aboard a hospital ship. The counselor's insight and contribution proved invaluable, quite often, on the bridge and in the field."
"Well this isn't a hospital ship and a counselor will never see the field work. Not saying I don't have experience, but I'm trying to understand how you see this to work. It sounds more of a leadership format then anything else," he raised an eye brow as he finally stood up and walked over to a chair, in which was across from a couch with a table on either side. He noticed his remarks on her skin caught her off guard. Almost a hint of self esteem issues when she was younger? "Would you like to relax, Commander?"
Gladly, Calliope accepted the offer to sit, having been on her feet since checking into command that morning. She sat on the edge of the sofa seat, leaning forward actively. "Of course it's different— cosmos, there's so much about it I'm adjusting to! But the fact remains the same— I'd prefer to have the advantage of your insight concerning the personnel not just on an individual basis, but from a broader scope. And staying apprised daily of the command center will potentially provide the benefit of your insight in dealing with interactions from outside as well. Besides, just from your file, I can tell you have a very different background than many counselors. I think you'll be uniquely tuned to matters."
"One man going from department to department, on a station this massively sounds like it would be overwhelming. Besides, isn't that what the department heads are supposed to be doing in their daily briefing?" He countered with a slight smirk. He then winked. "I mean, I'm just a lowly lieutenant of all things."
Calliope squinted a little at the winking and the cavalier reaction to what should have been taken as direction given. She'd been trying to be collaborative. Maybe he needed more firm directives. She still maintained her bright tone but tried to be a little more clear about what she expected. "Right now we don't have normative operative conditions. The intensive demands on the department heads are not allowing for attentiveness to interpersonal issues, everyone is for the most part new to their teams, and we're integrating marines to their personnel which is bound to cause stresses. If you need to prioritize, lead with operations, engineering, security, and flight departments. I don't expect you to be everywhere, every day, just to make some rounds, especially since you have few appointments yet. Just don't get underfoot if you can help it. Presently this should work as an advisory capacity. Observe, and report back to me and we can discuss any issues you find and recommendations you might have." Calliope sighed and softened after hearing herself laying things out and reassessing Spencer's easy demeanor. Maybe she'd misread him. "I'm sorry. I'm a little tense myself. Maybe more than a little. But you should know I don't consider you a 'lowly' Lieutenant. You've made career path changes. You have more experience than your rank alone denotes. Tell me, have you met with Dr Mazur yet?"
"Yes, I met the Major aka doctor," Jorden responded as he looked her over as he read her body language and wanted to make sure he made mental notes of what he was seeing.
"What do you think of working with her?"
"Honestly," He paused as he thought back. "Beside her being attractive and ready to kill. I really didn't take must time to get to know the woman. She seems like she is more than capable and seems like she has strings she can pull to get more assistance when she needs to." He made sure to keep details out as he wasn't about ready to throw her under the bus if he wasn't needing to. Some Starfleet officers didn't take it kindly of marines stepping in when they didn't ask for it. "I'll make the time to go and get a vibe of the Major in the next couple days. What about you, have you met her?"
"I did." Eyes cast downward, Calliope fidgeted with the side of her padd and softened. "That was the other reason I came to see you, actually. When I was touring medical, Mazur insisted on a physical, and I thought I might as well get it out of the way. Now I wish I'd declined, at least for a short time."
An eye brow raised as Jordan looked more intently at his, now patient, and pondered as to the statement given to him. It wasn't the first time that he had heard, both as a counselor and as a medical physician, of someone being reluctant at the idea or even the notion that they had to have a medical appointment of any type. But was was more curious was the reasons, as not all were the same.
"Why do you say that?"
"Dr. Mazur pulled my pheromone suppressant drug. I've been on Vamiraxil since highschool. And she had perfectly sound medical reasons for it, reasons I'm not arguing, but she won't give me any time to explore other solutions." Some of Calliope's indignant feelings that she'd been suppressing since talking to Mazur rose to the top, as she became a little impassioned. "I'm to be completely cut off from the Vamiraxil. To replace it she simply prescribed," here Calliope drew air quotes, " 'Self-Management', which seems to completely miss the matter, since it's not my own self management that becomes problematic when the pheromones aren't mitigated. Unless she means for me to wear an environmental suit about or to conduct all my business remotely or only ever work with women, I can't possibly conceive what 'Self-management' entails!"
"Well that isn't fair," he huffed as he rolled his eyes and smirked slightly as he looked back at her as he could tell the question was at the tip of her tongue. "Whether or not this attraction was real or just a side effect of your normal bodily function. "
*This attraction?* Calliope froze for a moment, obviously calculating something, her hand going to her pocket to feel and count the vials once more. Today she had skipped again. Yesterday she'd taken only a half dose... maybe it wasn't enough.
"So tell me then, my love, what self esteem issues do you feel you have, and more importantly, how have you overcome them?" he countered ignoring the response to his statement of attraction. The whole concept was to throw her off just a bit.
"The same self esteem issues any woman goes through as a teen, only amplified to ridiculous proportions. I was physically bullied and pressured. I was fourteen and afraid and I sensed intuitively that there were two sides to this influence I had and I was scared of being a victim, so in a moment of self preservation, I tried to be manipulative as a coping mechanism and one incident of that immediately blew up my entire reputation and became confirmation of what they'd already characterized me as. From then on everyone else's behavior was counted as my own fault by my peers and even by adults. I'd asked for it, I'd wanted the attention, I'd liked it, they said. It was becoming violent and I was afraid." Calliope sighed, not wanting to recount details she'd long since processed and put behind her. "I overcame it when my mother got the Vamiraxil and we moved to another district. After that I felt confident that everyone was behaving out of their own will and not my influence on them and when it came up, I could call them out for making racial assumptions about me because I knew they weren't responding to pheromones, just their own imaginations. I don't think I could have finished school or Academy with out that assurance." She turned her wedding ring around on her finger. "I don't know if I would have believed Lance really loved me if I hadn't been on the drug. I imagine I would have avoided the company of half of my peers, and I would have become very jaded about any claims of love towards me."
"And look at you now, a full commander, and a married woman. Can't say you didn't earn that status, can you?" Jordan countered as he watched her body language. It was still screaming self esteem issues, which seemed to make him even more curious as to how she had lost control of that. But then it clicked a little even more. "I mean, let's face it, it was you that strived for the position as executive officer, and the desire to earn the rank of commander that pushed you to this point, right?"
"Yes, I advanced on my own merits. That's my entire point." Calliope agreed wholeheartedly.
"Then besides the medical reasoning for minimizing the treatment, could it also be a good idea for you to use all aspects of who and what you are to become an even better leader than what you are now?" He asked as he looked her over. It was obvious that he was seeing his own reaction to her species special capabilities, but it didn't change his person and professional opinion of taking advantage of all available tools before a person.
Calliope didn't answer right away. She'd only ever conceived of ways her effect on others was tempting to abuse— to influence others for selfish reasons. She hadn't really spent any effort thinking of it as an aid to leadership... It seemed to her you had to be playing a mental game of twister to arrive there, but she didn't want to disregard the idea out of hand either. "I guess I have to consider how it could. I wish I had another week or two though. There's so much else that should be taking priority right now." She stood and crossed her arms— padd in one hand, under her arm, the other coming to her chin in thought. "Do you suppose you could speak with Doctor Mazur, maybe arrange another two weeks of the Vamiraxil?"
There was a long pause before Jordan nodded and spoke out. "I'll have a discussion with the doctor. But you have to do your part and treat it like the answer is a no. I do not want you thinking you can sweet talk me into feeding your druggy addition," he winked as he joked with her. "Is there anything else you would like me to look into or do for you, Commander?"
"No, I think that's all for now." Calliope said, though the gears in her head were still churning on another avenue to try. "I'll be waiting for those observations about the departmental personnel integrations. Thank you, Counselor." With that, Calliope saw herself back out of the office.
